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Saturday, March 29, 2008

Speaking of Ren-Fair rejects

So we went to Medieval Times last Wednesday at the 6pm show and it was PACKED. How?! I thought for sure that place was on it's last legs or something, but nay! 'Tis not the truth! The truth is that it seems to be the #1 Birthday Party destination for children of aaaaaallll ages. And you know what? It was a damn good time!


Our night was the Black & White Knight, who was in fact the WORST knight and the first to die at the hands of the evil Green Knight. In the end I don't remember who won, but the yellow night was a total bad-ass. While the acting was poor (as suspected) the fighting and horse tricks were pretty sweet. Also surprising? The food was pretty good. You eat 1/2 a chicken, potatoes, ribs and bread with your hands and get a bowl of soup and mugs of beer! Can't complain, not at all. (except that it's in Buena Park and traffic BLEW)


This photo was taken before our Knight went out like a punk and I threw my banner-waivy thing away.

Doomsday. Well, Allistair's and mine, anyway

I'm not a film critic. I like what I like. But when I DON'T like something, well, there's a very good reason for it and 90% of the time it's sheer laziness. "We'll get from point A to point K in one step. Sure, that'll work." My brain can fill in missing steps with imaginary off screen dialogue for 1, maybe 2 steps, but after a while, I can't imagine the 'real' movie taking place off screen the whole time. In that point, you've just failed.

And I'm talking to YOU Mr. Neil Marshall. Oh, you had built such wonderful credit with Dog Soldiers and The Descent. So....what...what's with the big FUCK YOU to your fans with THIS GARBAGE?!


I had a whole long diatribe about how retarded this movie was from beginning to very, very end. But when I started to ramble on and on, it seemed more like a madman, so I stepped back to I could approach it from a more focused position. This...will be difficult and take a while.

First, the synopsis:

"Great Britain, 2007. A deadly plague, known as the "Reaper Virus," has broken out, killing hundreds of thousands in its wake. In desperation, the British Government evacuates as many survivors as it can out of the infected area, and then builds a wall, preventing the remainder from escaping. Thirty years later, with the wall still up and the victims all but forgotten, the virus breaks out again. The Government decides to send a crack team of operatives, led by Major Eden Sinclair, into the hot zone to investigate the possibility of a cure."

OK, so, there's just too much so we'll start with #1.

#1. They erect a 30-foot steel wall ALL THE WAY AROUND SCOTLAND. Apparently, no one saw it coming, so none of the infected were able to escape before it was actually completed and all doors were closed and welded shut.

#2. Once the wall was closed, they decide to pretend no one existed over there, make it a no fly zone and call it a day. I'm sorry, what? IGNORE it? Not set up bases, study survivors, look for a cure, test & evac people, monitor for life, salvage materials? They can't even have e-mail or websites inside? "Nope, shut 'em off, they get nothing. No, no, I said no phone calls. Stop it! It's not there anymore. I don't seeee yoooou." No? Um, OK, let's move on.

#3. Ms. Bionic Eye. Apparently, a good recorder for a SWAT-type person is in their actual eye socket, which they can take out and put back in as needed. After rolling it around on floors of dirty old ships and the like. No wonder you had a virus outbreak, you filthy people.

#4. Apparently, the ONLY place to house 100's of thousands of survivors from an evacuated COUNTRY is in downtown London. Because there's SO much room there. Yes, by all means, let's create a filthy compact environment in the heart of our country and house people fleeing from a plague state. Well done. OK, this is only about 5-10 minutes into the film, so you can see where this will inevitably lead to madness.

#5. Apparently, after quarantining a country for more than 35 years, a plague can spontaneously outbreak when no one has been into that are for decades. That's a lovely dormancy factor. But whatever, plot point.

#6. We're sending a crack team in for the cure! OK, WHY IS THE CURE ON THE INSIDE? Oh, I forgot. You ignored it, so hopefully some ass on the inside discovered one with zero resources. Good for you. "OK, so we know there are people inside because we have a satellite watching". Oh, so you weren't COMPLETELY ignoring the country. You snuck a peek from time to time for giggles. We're still about 10 minutes in.

#7. We have two large battle APCs! We'll send both in and put 4 people in each. Sure, they each probably hold 12, but why send extra bodies or only one tank? No matter, let's move on.

#8. Open the doors! And make sure you weld them back shut again so the hoards of 1 survivor can't come prying their way back in.

#9. "What did we just hit?" "I don't know". Apparently, even though you have both radar AND a windshield AND HEADLIGHTS, you can't 'see' a massive herd of cows and get stuck in the middle of it. We have now established that YOU are retarded. Which we will follow up with shortly.

#10. All team members MUST wear a bio suit to go outside. Of course, when they open the ENTIRE BACK of the battle APC, the driver, who isn't in a separate section, doesn't need to wear one at all. So yes, all retarded.

#11. Apparently, if left unattended for 35 years, natural weeds will grow through the basement of hospitals, from floor to roof, with each vine about 5-10 inches thick. I'll call it magic beans and move on. Maybe the virus originated from a dump Jacks' Giant took off of his cloud and into Scotland's water supply.

#12. Road Warrior punks attack!!!! 100's of crazy punks all pour through ONE door of the hospital flinging fire bombs everywhere and screaming. let's pause the conversation for a moment. First, 100's of Road Warriors show up. In face paint, spiked/colored hair, leather, spikes, tattooed, etc. It's nice that Scotland had THIS MUCH Manic Panic, hairspray, leather and skilled tattoo artists to supply a small army in a few decades. We'll get back to this, though. Note that the APCs JUST ARRIVED INTO TOWN, no one has arrived in 3 decades, and yet an entire army is ready in waiting and attack immediately. Also, they totally know how to infiltrate a battle APC and blow them up.

#13. Speaking of battle APCs, it takes the APC about 5 minutes (while everyone else fights) to actually get to the escape point. YOU HAVE A TANK AND A ROAD. They were on FOOT for a few minutes. How far did you have to drive? Ugh. I hate this movie. But let's move on.

#14. Soldiers are captured and brought out for "The Big Show"! The 'leader' in the poster above does a song and dance to 'Fine Young Cannibals' with a big light and sound show, men dancing in kilts and all that and then riles up his army of punks. Plus motorbiked spinning out and all that. Apparently, there's no lack of resources in this 'wasteland'. Oh, and people bouncing around on elastic harnesses. Where's Master Blaster?! I know he's here somewhere! Even more tattoos, leather, Manic panic and hairspray. I'm sorry, there aren't that many Hot Topics in the world and ONE of them should have had an Invader Zim shirt on or something. And also, apparently the punks are the ones who survive a viral attack. Because they have many skills when it comes to infrastructure and survival. Yeah, OK. OH! Also, I forgot. HOW DID THESE CRAZY-ASS PARTIES NOT SHOW UP ON A SATELLITE WHEN ONE PERSON DOES?!

#15. Ooh! Not ONLY are we punks, but we are ALSO CANNIBALS!!! WOOOOOO!!!! And what better way to cook our meat than WITH ALL OF HIS CLOTHES AND BOOTS ON. Yeah, melt that polyester in for extra flavor. Oh, and yeah, you have plenty of cows, I saw them, but maybe they are invisible because the other people didn't see them either....clever, clever cows...

#16. Oh! I totally forgot. The 'crazy' leader? He has a pet GIMP. Like Pulp Fiction. On a chain, in the outfit. Seriously, I hate you.

#17. OK! remaining soldiers are free and on the run! A few had escaped earlier and now it's time for all of us to meet up! How do we do that? Magic GPS. These people are in a city that no one has been to in 35 years in pants and t-shirts. So they use magic to navigate to specific subway stops.

#18. What's the best way to outrun a bus of crazy punks!? Hint: It involves running in a straight line down a wide street!

#19. How fast do you have to be to outrun a motorcycle BUT catch a train? Apparently normal human speed will do fine.

#20. Yes, train. Punks can smell an APC drive into a city at night but CAN'T HEAR A TRAIN COME INTO THE TRAIN STATION. Oh, and teenagers know how to drive steam trains. Next!

#21. "We pass through here all the time". What is "here" exactly? It's a giant bunker full of crates with a big fat manifest. Nothing has been touched, we'll come back here later.

#22. OK, into the woods and...wha? KNIGHTS ON HORSEBACK. Fuck you, I'm done. But now it's just a trainwreck and I gotta see what happens. (Note, I really, really didn't)

#23. "Hi! I'm Malcolm MacDowell, I'm the leader of MY MEDIEVAL KINGDOM. And yes, that IS in fact, a stain glass window with a biohazard logo in it. We aren't completely retarded." (yes, they are, I'm getting to that). "Oh, and yes, this creepy old man clutching a large ancient tome is my high advisor. And no, I don't know what that book would even be. We've only been in here for 35 years and I do in fact rememeber being part of the real world. Also, I tell everyone that the real world is gone now and they totally believe me. Even though many of the people are older than 35 and probably would have checked at some point since we already survived the plague."

#24. MEDIEVAL KINGDOM. "Cake or Death". You get to be A: a reject punk or B: a ren-fair reject. CHOOSE YOUR FATE NOW! There is no middle ground! Yes, Mr. MacDowell's castle is filed with people in hard-core, high end medieval wear DOWN TO THE LEATHER PEASANT HOODS. Now, I might be wrong, there probably ARE a lot of Hot Topics in the world, but high-end ren-fair wear? Please. I mean COME ON!!!! Yes, it makes much more sense to bundle up in my crappy medieval clothes than a nice insulated jacket and a pair of jeans. For fucks sake.

#25. Oh, and screw guns. We'll use arrows and axes and maces. Cool? Cool. (actually, not so much.)

#26! OH! I can't forget that King Malcolm ALSO HAD A FALCONER. I'm literally shaking my fists at the screen at this point and I can't get up and leave.

#27. OK, Allistair (fellow sufferer) and I got into a small debate over the validity of this point, but I'm gonna state my side of it. You throw a small woman, albeit with extreme military training into a ring with a massive dude in armor and a mace, who will win? The fight dragged on forever when I honestly believe that she could have ducked once and then broken his knees with a kick from the side. Oh, and the universal truths with Punks and Ren-Fair? They both love battle pits! They should have just started up their own Olympics or something. Anyway, she wins, they all escape, and back to the bunker, the EXACT SAME WAY THEY CAME FROM THE PUNKS.

#28. OK, now I have to interrupt again and mention that there is now a retarded love-story with one of the medieval teenage girls and one of the doctors from the team. They've only spent maybe 5 minutes together so far. OH. And the medieval girl is King Malcolm's daughter, of course. OH! And her BROTHER is the crazy Punk leader. OF COURSE.

#29. The bunker! Oh, glorious bunker. This isn't locked by the way. Say, shall we check the manifest? oooh. SATELLITE PHONES. With charged batteries! Fanastic. What's in this one? Sweet! A brand new BMW! Great, let's hop in and go for a spin! And show knows what else was in the crates that you've been passing by ALL THE TIME YOU STUPID LITTLE SHITS. Oh, the car's gassed up and ready to go after 35 years in a crate? Sweet. Cuz sometimes my battery will die if I don't drive it for a few weeks or you know, normal car stuff.

#29. "Now let's try and reproduce the car fights form Mad Max 2 & 3". Zoom, zoom, smash! "Make sure the gimp is on the hood! Why? Cuz it's COOL, that's why! WOOOOOOOOO!! They are in a fancy BMW, let's block it with the bus!!" SMAAAASH!! Huh, apparently the new model, er, 35 years ago model, can smash through the side of a bus unscathed. fair enough.

#30. We meet the helicopter! Will the be cheated? Will the creepy Politics man from London stop them? Do they have the cure? I for one didn't care anymore. Loks like the cure is...WHA?! In the girls blood. Or, I'm assuming ANYONE'S BLOOD THAT SURVIVED. Fair enough. "Hand her over! Oh, and you can come too". Oh, um, OK. is that an ultimatum? I don't get it. They can all go, right? But first! Back to the bionic eye plot point! You don't think we'd forget THAT did you? No, no, she has to record the Political man's confession to make billions off the cure to broadcast to the world. Sure. OK. Anyway, no one cares anymore.

#31. "Now that I'm a bad ass that survived my little adventure, I'm gonna go look for my mommy that lives in here. I have the address I've been carrying for my whole life! Oh, she's gone? Do I want to go back home to the normal world? Na. I wanna rule the Punks!" THE END.

And that's all I have in me anymore. I'm spent.



Oh, sweet patience of mine, bleeding out like the lifeblood of a stuck pig.

Sure, the first thing to go was my patience with lines, standing, traffic, tying shoes. Yes, yes, we all suffer these problems (OK, maybe the tying of shoes is just my problem) but after a particular trying week or 2, I've discovered a few other annoying rage-points.

1. Daylight Savings time. Used to be a time when I HATED "Spring forward" because I lost an hour of sleep. After getting dogs, I'm always up early now anyway, so it didn't matter. I was actually looking forward to it so it wouldn't be dark all the time. That said, it really, really messed up my sense of time this year. I've been all out of sorts with time for 2 weeks now and it's starting to piss me off.

2. Hungry? Yeah, me too. I know a lot of people that get super-cranky if they haven't had food in, like, an hour. I've never really had that problem. Sometimes I would even forget to eat for a full day. These days, though, when I get hungry I feel like I'm going to implode and all things between me & food become swift enemies. What's that crap?

3. Indian Customer Service. Who thought putting ESL people in charge of technical support was a good idea?!?!! WHAT IS THAT?! You speak in plain simple tech-speak, mentioning phrases like recycling or bits per second and they pretend like you're making stuff up and is there anything else they can do for you, like transfer you to someone else? Seriously, fuck off.

4. For Your Convenience Part 1. Aside from quadrepalegics and arthritics, bless their hearts, WHO THE FUCK THINKS VOICE ACTIVATED TELEPHONE MENUS IS A GOOD IDEA. "I'm sorry, did you say 'Go fuck myself?'" I can't put enough rage into words that boils up from the black depths of my shriveled heart when I hear the phrase "I'm sorry, did you say..." HOW IS THIS FASTER THAN PUSHING A BUTTON?! I hate you.

5. For Your Convenience Part 2. Oh, Bank of America, you HAD a great idea. HAD. And I'm sure eveyone who tested it once agreed. Hell, I jumped for JOY when they made the new deposit feature in the ATM. No more slips and envelopes, you can just stick a check in, it SCANS it and deposits it for you. Whoo-hoo!! So much easier. Wait a second. What if you have two checks? Or in my neighborhood maybe 7 or 8? YOU DEPOSIT THEM ONE AT A TIME. Why is that? Oh, because now there's NO ENVELOPE TO PUT MORE THAN 1 CHECK INTO. Thank you for making the line at the ATM even LONGER NOW.

Feh! A pox on all your houses!!

Viva La Tron!

THREE more Harry Potter movies!

Of all seven books, I think I enjoyed 4, 6 and 7 the most. But the Goblet of Fire movie had to be condensed to fit all the games in so the story fell a bit short. Honestly, a lot of the 'filler' in the book is just as entertaining as the plot.

Now, the books just kept getting longer and longer, and you can only make a movie so long. Lord of the Rings got away with 3 hours, but a Harry Potter movie? 2 & 1/2 seems fair. But if the book is 700 pages or more, you got a problem.

So when I read the last and most awesome of the series got split into TWO flicks? Oh joyous day indeed!


Of course, now what are they going to call them? Part 1/Part 2? Personally I like "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallow" and "Harry Potter and the Other Deathly Hallow". Or maybe"Son of Deathly Hallow". "Revenge of Deathly Hallow"?

Who will be cast as Snowy?

George Clooney did pretty good as a dog in South Park.

But I digress! Spending several years in Germany growing up, my first foray into comic books was with Tintin and Asterix. I was (and still am) a huge Tintin fan. you know I don't write worth a damn, so for more intersting info on the series, you can check it out here.



Back to the story! So Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson have teamed up to Co-write/ direct/ produce the first 3 Tintin films as motion capture features, which in and of itself is fantastic. Even better is that they've cast Tintin and Captain Haddock! Now, Serkis as the crass sea captain was a gimme for sure with Jackson directing, but casting Thomas Sangster as Tintin was pretty inspired. The kid has some pretty good chops as well as range. Unlike a certain Freddie Highmore who's range pretty much falls in the 'mopey' category. Now, Sangster is a bit young, but it's motion capture and by the time he gets around to voicing the character he'll be about 20, so it'll all work out well!


Update - 3/29

So these are both still the "rumored" appearances, but whatever available info is around tends to lead to them being true. I love Kevin J O'Connor and he's got appearances in tons of Steven Sommers flicks, my favorite being Deep Rising, and it looks like he'll be appearing in a flashback with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who has the role of Cobra Commander in the film. Since Destro is the heavy in the first one, I am betting CC is going to only appear in small origins roles. Here's hoping that the flashback has Dr. Mindbender and Cobra Commander dancing around a Brainwave Scanner! Woo-Hoo!

00 GI JOe cast 3.jpg

00 GI JOe cast 2.jpg
00 GI Joe Cast 1.jpg
Update - 1/29

In a bout of inspired casting, Dennis Quaid has been cast as the typically absent General Hawk, head honcho of G.I. Joe and the always-a-villain-never-a-friend Arnold Vosloo has been cast as the master of disguise, Zartan.
Update - 2/12

Well! I am certainly glad I held off on the last update. Some numb-nut 'cast' an unknown stage actor as Destro instead of dear old McNulty and I was, all, like, WTF?! That's not news! Then they cast some hot model chick as Cover Girl (Karolína Isela Kurková), which, also is not really news. But THEN we got a piece of awesomeness! No-name Destro gets replaced with Brit-psycho Christopher Eccleston! Woo-hoo!! Now we're talking! I'm still waiting on official notice that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is playing Cobra Commander, though.

Update - 1/28

The role of DUKE has been cast with Channing Tatum. They certainly got the look right, that's for sure. I hope he breakdances on Destro's head. Rumor has it that Joseph-Gordon Levitt has been cast as Cobra Commander, but hasn't been confirmed. This flick is gonna be RIDICULOUS. And awesome.

UPDATE - 1/15

Dominic West of HBO's The Wire will be handling the role of Destro. I've seen Dominic in a few things before and I'd say he's got the chops to handle it.
Plus, he's British, so he should be able to pull off a Scottish accent without it sounding like Mike Myers in So I Married An Axe Murder.

UPDATE - 1/9

I was (am?) totally on board for the Joe cast. Ray Park as Snake-Eyes (my choice!) that's great! And fine, fine, give Sienna Miller a black wig, no prob. Rachel Nichols is a PERFECT low-budget version of Scarlett. Also LOVELOVELOVE Adewale Agfkith...fuck. Akinnuoye-Agbaje! Love him. But now he's playing 'Heavy Duty', which was a 'cooler' replacement for Roadblock well after the cartoon/comic/toy series was tanking, so why not stay classic? Whatever, he gets to heft a .50 caliber machine gun and waste some Cobras, great! I LOVE Said Taghmaoui and the Joes never had any Middle Eastern blood, so there ya go. This other kid can play Storm Shadow, no prob! All good? Great! Who's next? Wait, I'm sorry, what was that? Marlon Wayans as Rip Cord? You mean the red-headed white guy who jumps out of planes, right? Played by Marlon Wayans. I'm sorry, did Jerry Zucker hop on as Exec Producer on this? WTF?

Rumor also has it that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is also in talks. They have BARELY cast 50% of this movie and start filming in 5 weeks. I can't WAIT to see what kind of crazy-ass stuff start popping up from here on out. John Laroquette as Cobra Commander with Anthony Hopkins as Destro! And maybe Natalie Portman as Lady Jaye. With Andy Dick as Flint.

Monday, March 17, 2008

OH, Danny Boy...

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Much, much, much thanks to Alf for finding this.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

OK, after a massive case of jigsaw-puzzling to make 3 new ones fit, here's the latest and greatest from the Armory. There are some SWEET ones that I added to Armory #2 down below.

Take a stab! How many can you guess?

68 guns, 5 grenades, 1 lightsaber and a handful of medieval weapons from Buffy (something for the wife)

Armory 1.JPG

Armory 2.JPG

I'll probably spoil it later with the full breakdown, but I'll let you have your fun first.

Also, what am I missing? There are some obvious ones that I'd like to get, like the Jawa blaster or Chebacca's crossbow blaster...

Friday, March 07, 2008

mAc's LOST

Now, I'm not doing any commentary on the past week's episodes, but hot DAMN, they have been GOOD.

That said, good friend Eyad pointed out that of all the random LOST videos and rumors and theories, Damon & Carlton pointed out that THIS one is the one to be paid attention to. It's a good one:

Of course, for sci-fi geekers like myself and most likely many of you, will know that in most theories of time-travel within one's own timeline, you musn't make contact with yourself. Something about the same object in different timelines can't occupy the same space or some such jibba-jabba. So at least they aren't making up new rules!

Now, Lost theories? Flash forwards: how far forward are they? Can they not find the plane because it's actually on the island in 1997? Was Otherland not so much a "you'll never leave" but a "don't sweat it, it'll only be a few months later when you get back"? Is Ben really a grown up Aaron? Is Kate actually Walt? Is the island really a peninsula and they'll all feel really stupid later? What if they are actually in the DC universe? Will Aquaman find them? Can Damon & Carlton travel through time? How else would they know who will get a DUI so they can kill the character?

As much as I'm enjoying this season (really, it's SO GOOD), I also know that the tracks are about to run out and I know it's going to kill me. D&C said that the end of this season (Episode 8) is not the end of the season. It's just the end of Episode 8. So it'll basically be someone taking away your Harry Potter book halfway through. And that knowledge makes me sad.


Hot DAMN. Kneel before Zack!






Tuesday, March 04, 2008


Well! This year's Oscar Party was even better than last year!! Details Smetails, we all know you just want to see what the themed food was! (or if you want to see other photos, you can check out Dinah's Flickr page. You can also find this year's table centerpiece for the 5 Best Picture films!)

First up! Non-food related items.

I'm In Here (I'm Not There): Bathroom signs!

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SiCKo Smocking Section (not very clever, I know)

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In The Valley of Moolah (In The Valley of Elah): The Betting Pool!

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Dollars and the Real Girl (Lars and the Real Girl): Also betting pool. And I did this one last, the night before the party and the damn text/slant thing was pissing me off, so that's why it's a little crooked. Well, slanted the wrong direction, anyway.

z Dollars real girl small.jpg

Charlie Wilson's Bar (Charlie Wilson's War): Well, the bar.

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Now! On the the food!

3:10 to Yummy (3:10 to Yuma): Cheese Platter! Maybe it refers to the food, maybe the movie's ending. Either way, that's what it was.

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Americn Gangstir-Fry (American Gangster): Stir Fry! Or was supposed to be anyway. We didn't get around to making it. What! We were busy!

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The Assassination of Jesse James by the Curly Robert Fries (The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford): Curly Fries! We always need curly fries, so finding a good title match can be hard sometimes. But not THIS time.

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Atonemint-Chocolate Chip Cookies (Atonement): Min-choco-cookie. Super-yum!

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La Brie En Rose (La Vie En Rose): Guess! No really!! You're right, it was rose-petal water for hand washing. Or brie.

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The Diving Bell and the Butterscotch Cookies (The Diving Bell and the Butterfly): Guess what these were! Aren't you clever! And yes, we had these last year as well.

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Enchanted Apples: Apples w/ carmel dipping sauce.

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The Golden Quiches (The Golden Compass): Mini quiches! Color-matching for that text was a pain in my ass!

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Juno's Cravings: Sliders & pickles! And speaking fonts that were a pain in the ass! I mean, DAMN. It worked, though.

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Michael Bacon (Michael Clayton): Bacon wrapped dates! And DAMN was this one hard to do. I had to rip all the other letters off the page, erase the ones I didn't need and then replace & respace them. And there was no 'G', I had to make that one out of a C and a T, I think.

Done Michael.jpg

No Cornbread for Old Men (No Country For Old Men): Kick-ass cornbread w/ Jalepeno's in them! Another one I had to recreat meshing other letters together. That's why the A looks all weird. But THIS one had a black background, unlike Mr. Blurry Clooney above that had to be all smudged around over and over again. Bastard.

Done No Country.jpg

Norbits (Norbit): Um, what was this one? Veggies? Maybe. I don't eat those. This is one of the lazier ones i did, but really. It's NORBIT. Let it go.

Done Norbits.jpg

Pirates of the Caribbean-Dip (Pirates of the Caribbean): 7 layer dip & chips! If you came last year, you'll know we ripped this off again. However, THIS year, I found a close-to-matching font!

Done Pirates.jpg

The Popcourne Ultimatum (The Bourne Ultimatum): Popcorn! HA! This is one of the funnier ones. Though not as funny as all the Slack-Jawed-Damon marketign materials. What was that? A little shout-out to mouth-breathers?

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Meme Les Poulets Vont Au Enfir (Meme Les Pigeons Vont Au Paradis): Roughly translated: All Chickens Go to Hell. Hot Wings!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Prawn Baby Prawn (Gone baby Gone): Actually, this was a shrimp platter. Prawns are expensive and we don't like our friends THAT much.

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Ratatouille: Was it a cheese platter? French wine? French Bread? French Dressing? French Fries? Rat? Nope! Dinah actually made Ratatouille. So THIS, was of course, the laziest sign.

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Surf & Turf's Up (Surf's Up): Crab Cakes & Beef skewers. It literally took little more than 2 minutes for 50 skewers to be decimated. But they were made from our friend Tony's recipe and can be eaten regularly at his restaurant Tommy Ray's on Ventura. So go eat more! Now, THIS one was probably one of the most difficult ones to make. I had to go find my own Hawaiian floral background, a new font and THEN re-use the splintered outer-layer of the original title treatment. It was fun, though.

Done Surfs.jpg

There Will Be Bloody Marys (There Will Be Blood): Bloody Marys. This was one of the more difficult ones to match up with food, because like No Country, it was too easy to thrown in any noun you could think of, but we wanted them to be as close to the title as possible. And no one wants blood pudding or sausage, and oranges are boring, so we went with booze.

Done There.jpg

And last, but CERTAINLY not least:

Weenie Todd: The Deomn Barber of Meat Street (Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street): BBQ weenies and a meat platter. Because the title treatment was SO unique for this one, the onl thing I could do was actually rip arpat a bunch of letters and rebuild what I needed. Because the floorboards, the blood spatter and the lettering, I couldn't even erase the background and start from scratch. Ugh! It was tedious, but fun and came out super awesome.

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