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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Baby D.O.O.M.

Since I imagine no one has come through here in the past year, I might as well mention the fact that I am now what you would call an "expectant father." And I EXPECT my kid to be badass, lest he be traded in for more comics and a bigger TV.

"Why such high expectations?", you ask? Well, for one, I'm awesome and two, my wife's awesome. And last I checked, two positives don't make a negative, they make a double rainbow, so we should be good to go.

Now the second reason I have for being pretty sure my kid is destined for greatness is the fantastic morphing that's taking place during his growth process. I was a little concerned when the first images came up, because, well, they were a little girlie.

That said, at least it showed some promise that the 80's had pretty much absorbed fully into my DNA as a child. I mean, with all the marketing to children, it's hard to not have all of that stuff engrained into us permanently. So I laughed it off and waited patiently for the next stage of the metamorphosis. And it was WORTH the wait.

Look at that! My very own symbiote growing inside! NO doubt about it. That there is a full-blown Venom baby growing in there. I was pretty damn excited, that's for sure. I mean how could it get any better?

WOW. Cthulhu hisself. Amazing! This whole breeding process is just the best thing ever. I have no idea what this kid is going to come out look like. Will he have wings? Fangs? A tail? I can only HOPE. I'd be happy with webbed hands and feet though. At least he'd be a fast swimmer. So, as content as I was, we went back for yet another scan and what'd we get?

Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you Pumpkinhead! All I can say for sure is that I won't have to worry about any damn teenagers running around on my lawn. Well, not for long, anyway And also, it looks like the Ozark in my family tree is coming back to haunt me. In an AWESOME way.

Who knows what form he'll take next? Stay tuned!


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