Wrestling is fake.
Or is it? What exactly are they faking? I do, in fact, see them wrestling. There's grabbing, throwing, pinning, bitchslapping (not sure if that's in 'real' wrestling rules) and of course, spandex.
I've never been a fan of pro-wrestling, but after I had to work backstage at one of the 'Stampede' tours, I gained a somewhat-healthy respect for it. Here you have 7-foot, 400 pound man-mountains jumping on each other, throwing each other onto tables (carefully sawed underneath to control damage/injury) and yet rarely does someone ever get carted off on a stretcher. (though once, when I was little and watching G.L.O.W., one chick had to be carried of in pain because another one was biting her toes and wouldn't let them go. So both were carried off. amazing.)
But I digress.
Tuesday night, my friend Alf generously invited me to see
Lucha Va Voom, a Mexican wrestling match complete with midgets and burlesque. Hot DAMN, don't have to ask me twice!!
First off, the show is FUNNY. The outfits, the comedic commentary, the homo (phobic, sure) cowboys in front of us, the awesome Mexican wrestling movies from the 60s and 70s playing on big screens.
Anyway, I'm sure you can guess what the majority of the evening looked like, so I'll point out the highlights!
- Midget wrestling. First off, there's FOUR midget wrestlers. One team is ripped like Jesus (muscular) and wearing spandex, like little superheroes. The other team? Here's where it gets SWEET. A fat Ninja and a fatter Pirate! With an eyepatch!!!
-Gay wrestlers! There were a lot of them. The real treat was when a big fat biker dude got knocked down against the corner post and this little gayboy in frilly pink speedos wrapped his legs around the biker dude's head and the post and started grinding him in the face. It was AWESOME.
- The Hurricane (I think that was his name). Tall, rail-thin muscle-bound black dude with a fro wearing khakis. He totally did the shuffle right into a dude's nuts while the guy was down. It was the best thing I ever saw.
- Gypsy Rose. Two mostly naked chicks spinning on rings in the air without any pansy ropes or harnesses either.
- The Bollywood stripper. She was just plain hott.
- Rocky Ricochet (I think that was his name. I forgot the brochure!). Take a mental journey with me. The stage is dark. Then the lights come up and there's a giant rocket ship (made of foam, like a walking pizza mascot for small pizzerias or something.) It starts bouncing around the stage. Really high. WTF? It's on a pogo stick! So the rocket comes apart (still pogo-ing. the pogo never stops going) and inside is an atronaut, complete with the big helmet. Then the guy starts pulling off his chest plate, helmet, legs, arms, and 2 speedos full of glitter. AND HE NEVER STOPS POGO-ING (to be fair, he accidentally hopped off the stage into the audience once, still pogo-ing, but fell halfway back up the steps. quick recovery, though) Anyway, it was a damn good show and the not-gay cowboys in front of me seemed to enjoy it as well. Maybe with a little protest just for show.
And this was just what was BEST. The entire show was pretty spectacular and I highly recommend hitting it up next time it's going on down at The Mayan.
