What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs, Rolls over your neighbor's dog? What's great for a snack and fits on your back? It's Blog, Blog, Blog! It's Blo-og, Blo-og, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood. It's Blo-og, Blo-og, it's better than bad, it's good! Everyone wants a Blog! You're gonna love it, Blog! Come on and get your Blog! Everyone needs a Blog!

Friday, December 23, 2005

I've got the Spirit!!!


I've got the Spirit!!!
Originally uploaded by macslost.
The CHRISTMAS Spirit, that is!! I just got the COOLEST DVD in the mail. Totally unexpected and yet I am so excited about it, it's like it's been on my Christmas list for years but no one ever got it for me. It's called "Santa's Slay" and it stars WWE wrestler Bill Goldberg as the not-so-jolly St. Nick. Behold the glory:

"Jolly old Saint Nick goes from the nice list to the naughty list when an old wager runs up and his promise to be nice takes a backseat to his murderous impulses in this comic tale of terror from first-time director David Steiman. It turns out that the story of Santa Clause as we know it isn't quite the whole story, and instead of being a kind hearted gift-giver, Santa is actually a devilish life-taker. It was 1000 years ago that the cherubic devil lost a bet with an angel that forced him to play nice for an entire millennium. Though he remained true to his word and spread Christmas cheer for what secretly seemed like an eternity, Santa's patience has run dry with the expiration of the wager, and when this bet runs up the legend of kindly old Kriss Kringle will never be quite the same."

And neither will we. Neither will we. I'm just jittery with anticipation. Merry X-Mas everyone! I'll need a detailed list of loot after the holidys so we can compare.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Merry Christmas!

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work-cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led me to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order,but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water,vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British
3. Constitution
4. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

When Sci-Fi becomes reality!


When Sci-Fi becomes reality!
Originally uploaded by macslost.
Ooshy-Squooshy book about the rise and fall of one's gray matter becomes a reality! You know what this means...my jet-boots aren't far behind!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Remember the 80's?


Miami Vice
Originally uploaded by macslost.
You know when a trailer pops up that leads with "From the Director of 'Collateral' and 'Heat'" that you are in for a DAMN fine film. At this moment the only thing that blows about the trailer launch for Michael Mann's MIAMI VICE movie is the fact that it's loaded on a Flash-choked Bacardi website that feels like it's going to vomit pixels all over your keyboard at any moment like a sorority girl that's been nursing their flavor of the month mixed with Red Bull. Still, the teaser is pretty damn dope. This movie is gonna kick some sweet hot-pink ass. I can't wait for next summer. For sure.

'Tis the Season


'Tis the Season
Originally uploaded by macslost.
Aside from all the presents and eating and snowballs, the other fun thing about the holidays is the movies. Oh, and the awards for the year. Golden Globes and AFI's tops of the year went up this week. No one really cares about the Golden Globes, though, since they are primarily chosen by the French. Hence Desperate Housewives' 37 nominations. 38. 39. Oh, Hell, can there just be a separate award show for the Housewives? I mean, this is like early-Sopranos quality we're talking here, right? Anyway, I digress. The best thing about the nominations is that AFI's top 10 TV of the year had both Veronica Mars and Battlestar Kick-asstica on it. Boo-Ya. Take that, you bastard 'Globes'. You silly French.

Why The Fox Hated The Tick


Why The Fox Hated The Tick
Originally uploaded by macslost.
by Patrick Warburton.

I had a chance to meet Patrick at a Disney charity event for the needy children of Marina Del Rey (I know, I didn't know they had needy children either.) Anyway, I have been a huge fan of pretty much everything Patrick has done, especially the TV show, THE TICK. The show was pure genius and I had to tell him about it. Then he said 'Thanks'. So, not being a dick to celebrities I enjoy, if they are busy, I leave them be at this point. As I turned away, Patrick proceeded to go into a rant about how much he loved The Tick and would have done anything for that role, including happily putting up with the silly (and torturous) suit. He loved the writing, the cast and pretty much everything else about it. Then Rupert Murdoch saw how much it cost them to make one episode of The Tick vs. how much an episode of Joe Millionaire (which in the end, we all paid for anyway). So then ol' Rupe' decided the best way to kill a Tick is to bury it, so he sat on it for a year, then put it across from Survivor and didn't run any ads for it. Ka-Blam! I'll bet Patrick ain't doing any Fox shows for a while. Bitter much? He should be. AS SHOULD YOU. It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Ever. All in all, Patrick's a really nice guy so say 'Hey' if you ever see him.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

When you ain't got no money...


When you ain't got no money...
Originally uploaded by macslost.
...you gotta get an attitude. Today marks the death of pure genius. You will be missed.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

L.A. Stories


L.A. Stories
Originally uploaded by macslost.
If you are a fan of things that are cool (and I know you are, otherswise you would be asked to leave) then you should be familiar with Artz and Hooper X. If you DON'T know who they are, well, Artz was a teacher on LOST that got blowed up and Hooper X was the writer of the 'White Hatin' Coon' comic in CHASING AMY. Anyway. I was driving through the Target parking lot the other day and almost got Artz on me when he walked out in front of my car. So that was prety sweet. Wanna know what's sweeter? Hooper X is a host at the Arclight Cinemas restaurant. He seats people there. What's even more awesome? Having Kevin Smith talk to him when he came to the theater for a SIN CITY event we hosted. Damn.

Holy Crap!

Darren Aronofsky is gonna direct an episode of LOST in May! Dude. Sweet. (Notice I did not put a link in there for either Darren OR Lost. Why? Because you should already know. I'm not here to baby you. You want to be treated like an adult, you have to act like one.)

I love Christmas


I love Christmas
Originally uploaded by macslost.
Mostly for the presents. And the not-working. And the eating of lots. And this year is Denver, which means SNOW. It's good times. Good times.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

The Price Of Glory...


The Price Of Glory...
Originally uploaded by macslost.
...is about $6. For those who have been to my mighty grill for BBQ, you KNOW the power of this ketchup. It is truly one of the many world wonders and should be shared and enjoyed forever. So order some up for you and your loved ones this holiday season. You won't be sorry and neither shall they. How DO you bottle Glory? Hela knows. Hela knows.

Monday, December 05, 2005

BEAST-ly image


BEASTLY image
Originally uploaded by macslost.
Fox has released their X3 images to USA Today! While The Beast is a little...pedestrian (though props to the fact that it's Kelsey Gammer under there), the Angel shots are pretty sweet, especially the one where Warren has his wings strapped down! And the teaser trailer is supposed to launch today with an image of Vinnie Jones as the Juggernaut! I know, I'm geeking out. Don't judge me. I hope they give Madrox a cool costume, even if he is only in it for a little bit. UPDATE!!! The X3 trailer is now online!!!!!! Sweet.

Captain Awesome: Hell Hound?


Captain Awesome: Hell Hound?
Originally uploaded by macslost.
At least you'd think so from the reactions of our local Hispanic community. This morning a woman grabbed her daughter by the wrist and dragged her out into the street to walk around the Captain. He's soooo vicious.

WASP become narcs!


WASP become narcs!
Originally uploaded by macslost.
Well, at least they aren't making any more albums. I wonder how big this contanier really is?

"Scientists say a species of non-stinging wasps can be trained in only five minutes and are just as sensitive to odors as man's best friend, which can require up to six months of training at a cost of about $15,000 per dog.

With the use of a handheld device that contains the wasps but allows them to do their work, researchers have been able to use the insects to detect target odors such as a toxin that grows on corn and peanuts, and a chemical used in certain explosives." Click here for the full story.

Screw Ralphie


Screw Ralphie
Originally uploaded by macslost.
Learn to make your own Christmas ornaments! It's as easy as 1-2-3! Step 1, find cool crap. Step 2, buy some eye screws. Step 3, drill a hole in the cool crap's head. Step 4, put the screw in the hole. Step 5, run some string through it and hang that bad boy up, yo. The End. (note: these instructions can also be used to perform the 'Dirty Cincinatti' as well, though not recommended if you are over the age of 18 or on your second strike.)