Messed With The Bull

Messed With The Bull
Originally uploaded by macslost.

R.I.P. Paul Gleason (1944-2006)

"The next time I have to come in here I'm crackin' skulls. "

May Sweeps Has Ended...

May Sweeps Has Ended...
Originally uploaded by macslost.

Long live the Summer Schedule!!!

You'll need a few TiVo's for June 11th!

5/30 Rescue Me (FX)
6/5 Dog Bites Man (Comedy Central)
6/11 Dane Cook's Tourgasm (Comedy Central)
6/11 The 4400 (USA)
6/11 Deadwood (HBO)
6/11 Entourage (HBO)
6/18 The Dead Zone (USA)
6/28 Blade (Spike TV)
6/29 It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX)
7/7 Monk (USA)
7/7 Psych (USA)
7/9 Chapelle's Show (Comedy Central)
7/9 Reno 911 (Comedy Central)
7/12 Stephen King's Nightmares and Dreamscapes (TNT)
7/14 Eureka (Sci-Fi)

3 Pendings. ABC Family's taking a dip into the genre programming pool. I may/may not take a peek just to see what's up:

6/26 Kyle XY
Psychologist takes mysterious innocent teenage "savant" into her family.

7/23 Two Moons Over Milford
Residents of small town Milford react to impending 'end of the world'.

8/13 Fallen
Orphan boy discovers he has powers on his 18th birthday.

Meet your new drunk uncle

Meet your new drunk uncle
Originally uploaded by macslost.

"Hi! I'm, uh, 29! Just like you! Let's play doctor!"

"I think George W. may have a position for you, sir! You're quite the snow-baller and seeing as how you got more people to vote for you than the actual President, I think we could find a use for you!"

FALL TV announces!

FALL TV announces!
Originally uploaded by macslost.

Damn, it's a good thing I have 3 Tivos!!!

It's gonna be a busy fall! And this is just the major networks! Here's the schedule with links to the show descriptions.

SUNDAYS (really cleared out!)
7 Everyone Hates Chris (CW)
9 Cold Case (CBS)
10 Brothers & Sisters (ABC)

MONDAYS
8 Prison Break (FOX)
9 Heroes (NBC)
9 24 (FOX - January)
9 Runaway (CW)
10 CSI: Miami (CBS)
10 Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (NBC)
10 What About Brian (ABC)

TUESDAYS
8 Gilmore Girls (CW)
9 Veronica Mars (CW)
9 House (Fox)
9 Let's Rob... (ABC)
10 Smith (CBS)
10 Boston Legal (ABC)

WEDNESDAYS
8 Jericho (CBS)
8:30 30 Rock (NBC)
9 Lost (ABC)
10 The Nine (ABC)
10 Kidnapped (NBC)

THURSDAYS (bust with the Tivos!)
8 My Name is Earl (NBC)
8:30 The Office (NBC)
8 Smallville (CW)
9 Grey's Anatomy (ABC)
9 CSI (CBS)
9 The OC (Fox)
9 Supernatural (CW)
10 Six Degrees (ABC)

FRIDAYS/SATURDAYS
Everyone knows that no good TV is on the majors these nights. SNL will be back at some point on Saturday nights.

Also, I listed NO new sitcoms. There might be some good ones in there, but I doubt it. Most of them star people like John Lithgow and Ted Danson and Brad Garrett.

Welcome to WAL-MERICA

Welcome to WAL-MERICA
Originally uploaded by macslost.

WAL-MERICA. The name says it all. The overweight family of 6-12, living out an uneducated existence dependent on informational spoon-feedings during the commercial breaks of Everyone Loves Raymond reruns and whatever snowjob's being spun on the local Fox News affiliate. Slow to listen, quick to ban. America good, you bad. What Pastor Dave says the 700 Club says the Bible says is what I agree with 100%, so you must be wrong and going to hell. 'Wal-Merica, where we're protected by the fine folks at Wal-Mart, Fox and Doctor Phil. WAL-MERICA. We're not a red state! We're WHITE, dammit.'

And just for the record, I claim the right to Wal-Merica. I said it FIRST.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Originally uploaded by macslost.

Don't be fooled. 'My Super Ex-Girlfriend' is not a super-hero movie. It's a romantic comedy about a crazy ex who HAPPENS to have super powers. And how the boy must enlist a super-villain to defeat her. Bring it on!

Beware My Stare!

Beware My Stare!
Originally uploaded by macslost.

This will be AWESOME or SUCKTASTIC. Either way, I'm totally going as Ghost Rider for Halloween. I already have a bunch of sterno to rub on my head. It's gonna be SWEET.

Is it too early?

Is it too early?
Originally uploaded by macslost.

You know, to start my Christmas list?

Body Count, Summer 2006

Body Count, Summer 2006
Originally uploaded by macslost.

It's about TIME. Man. I only have so many fingers and it's distracting trying to keep track sometimes. Thankfully Entertainment Weekly has taken this burden off my hands.

There will be a new update tomorrow, probably, but through LAST weekend, we're at 4,044. Thanks mostly to the people who drowned in POSEIDON.

Well Kept Secret #40196

Well Kept Secret #40196
Originally uploaded by macslost.

The reason so many people fear immigrants is that 99.3% of them have been Vampires starting back in 1982.

Check out the rest here at Welcome to Flavor Country.

X-Men: The Last Stand musings

X-Men: The Last Stand musings
Originally uploaded by macslost.

SPOILERS!

Juggernaut SMASH!!!

The two best action scenes in X3 could easily have been Juggernaut vs. Wolverine and Juggernaut vs. Kitty Pryde. Storm finally gets to kick a little ass. Dark Phoenix is scary looking. Multiple Man has a perfect little cameo. I felt sorry for Mystique. Sort of. Magneto crushing cars is cool! Kitty Pryde's fighting techniques were pretty sweet. Iceman finally ices up. Colossus chucks Wolverine twice in the patented 'Fastball Special'. Hank says "Oh my stars and garters." Angel's introduction as a child.

And those right there were what made the movie damn entertaining and worth seeing again, definitely. Though it seems like this would have been much better to watch back-to-back with X2 with no break in between.

Here's what makes you groan:

The dialogue. All of it except Kitty calling Juggernaut a dickhead. Cyclops. Superman-curl tranny in fishnets. Calisto, Porcubitch and the other useless Magneto fodder. (Seriously, there are thousands of mutants in the comics and he has to make up people. Why?!) The lack of any police or military interaction except at the base and in the woods. Angel (what you see in the trailer is pretty much all there is, minus the wicked scene at the beginning). The pacing. Mmm, that's about it, but the flaws run through the whole movie. The only scene that will make you jaw drop for it's entirety is the battle in Jean Grey's home. THAT was wicked.

All in all, though, it's worth seeing. It also cleaned UP at the box office ($107 mil in 3 days) and the only action-competition it has between now and June 30, when Superman cleans it's clock, is Fast and the Furious 3: Tokyo Bitch. Er, Drift. (which I am definitely watching on DVD.)

Rock on, Mr. Man-In-Tights

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Originally uploaded by macslost.

Do you think Richard Hatch will run around naked in prison? (though from this photo, he's already comfy in prison PJs)

I think it is 100% completely hilarious that he's thrown in jail for lying. As the prosecutor, I would have just walked up to the judge and said, "I'd like to submit SURVIVOR: Season One into evidence as Exhibit A. I rest my case."

Anyway, the ODD thing is that he was sentenced to 51 months in jail and COINCIDENTALLY, it's estimated that 51 million people watched the finale where he got his check. (and people say there's no Karma).

But here's where I am emotionally conflicted. Do I really want Reality TV to get higher ratings so the people I hate get bigger smack-downs by Karma?

Um, yes. OK! Works for me. Besides, my theory is this:

Reality TV is stupid

Reality TV makes people who watch it stupid. (though moderation can help. it's like booze)

The more stupid people, the easier MY life gets because I can be smart without actually having to try. Or learn. Which is great. Because I am, in fact, rather lazy. (OCB aside)

Plus there's my theory that since reality TV is so inexpensive, studios have bigger budgets for better talent and writing. (notice how many movie stars, directors and writers from the nineties are all on TV now?)

The sad thing is, you KNOW Dick's jail time is just going to become ANOTHER Reality TV show. I just hope it's more like 'Cops' Meets 'Oz'. Of course, then I'd have to watch. It's a vicious cycle with a slippery slope. Whatever that means, but you catch my drift.

Just know that in the end, Reality TV will get us all. One by One.

Year One: Complete

Year One: Complete
Originally uploaded by macslost.

Been one year since the "Wedding of the Century: The One To Hold All Others Against, Yes, Even Yours, I Am Sorry To Say"

One whole year.

They say year one can be the hardest year of a marriage.

My ass. Clearly, this 'they' are ass-monkeys who have not met us. Hard. Pf.

Unless you count renovating a filthy house during that year.

And if that's the case, I can't imagine that enough people foolishly do that in their first year of marriage to warrant a saying about it.

ANYWAY, year one went down like a shot of Hangar One. Smooth and buzzy.

Year Two should be even easier. I plan to sleep. Mostly.

He is Risen!!!

He is Risen!!!
Originally uploaded by macslost.

Upon your death I cried, and now you are risen and I cry again!!

Praise be to Optimus Prime!!

(granted, this is only test footage, but I can't WAIT for next summer.)

Who blew up what?!

Wow

Wow
Originally uploaded by macslost.

I'd seen some of Wonder Showzen and it was really funny, but now I'm watching the whole DVD set.

I feel dirty.

And it feels GOOD.

Avenue Q WISHES it was this funny.

Shoe Envy

Sneaker
Originally uploaded by macslost.

If you knew me 8 years ago, you knew I was somewhat content in my cargo pants and crappy high top sneakers and a sweatshirt. Why? Cuz shoes sucked, jeans sucked, most clothing sucked. Even TV sucked and music pretty much blew at the time as well. And so did a lot of the movies. The mid-nineties BLEW. And at some point during that time, a company called Northwave, that made snowboard boots, ran a line of sneakers that kicked ass. At a closing out sale, I bought 6 pairs. Almost 10 years ago.

As my shoes slowly died, I would look for replacements, almost desperately. Years went by with nothing that wasn't giant athletic shoes or hiking boots. Gradually, as the mid 00's approached, I would come across a cool pair of sneakers or Sketchers from time to time and would snatch them up, much like a survivor of the Great Depression snatches up fruit and toilet paper. I may never see these things again.

Times have changed and now I probably own as many shoes as Dinah, if not a few more. But my desperation for shoes hasn't stopped. Am I stockpiling for the famine ahead? Maybe.

But folks, I came to tell a story of woe and jealousy.

A month ago, Dinah found an AMAZING pair of sneakers at Nordstrom. I asked if they carried men's shoes of the same brand and ran over the the "Men's" section.

Dear Nordstrom: Your "Men's" section? SUCKS BALLS. Seriously. You have like 2 pairs of crappy shoes per brand where the women have 800. WHY BOTHER?! Eliminate the men's section and make a bar with video games or pay TV while we wait! Don't hope we buy a mismatched pair of shoes and last year's blazer because we're BORED. Seriously. Men don't go to Nordstrom's to shop. They go there a) because the wife/girlfriend drags them, b) they are wealthy drag queens looking for the latest old-lady sailor costume (you know what i am talking about) or c) they think they are metro-sexual and want a job there for the discounts.

THAT'S IT.

Anyway. I have been green with envy over Dinah's awesome green shoes for a month, but now I have my own. And mine? They have COBRAS on them, beyotch. Hells, yes.

Jessica Simpleton

57540092PB026_The_2006_NCLR
Originally uploaded by macslost.

Since I'm on a judgemental streak...

Courtesy of Go Fug Yourself:

Oompa-loompa doompety-doo
I've got another fugging for you.
Oompa-loompa-dumbety-dee
Tanorexic fame-whores are frightening to me.

What do you do when your affairs are a mess,
And the press has been siding with your cuckolded ex?
Spray yourself gold and fluff up your cleav,
'Cause that's all the tricks you've got up your sleeve.

Confessions of a Comic Book Geek

comicguypoint
Originally uploaded by macslost.

I won't lie, I'm a comic book geek. I love them. Worked in a store for years through high school. Still read them. I'm not ashamed of this, but I don't advertise it. I don't have a Superman tattoo (though I do have others, but more subtle), I don't wear giant Spider-Man club shirts, or put posters on the wall. (crap, I do have a Sin City poster, but of the MOVIE)

But the beauty of being a GEEK and not a NERD is simple. Social graces. And nerds don't get to have sex. For free at least. But that's not the point.

I rarely talk about my work, which is something I am going to change, because I don't just want to have a site that regurgitates entertainment news, even though it's skewed to my liking.

Anyway. There's this guy in my office who I avoid, because he's the classic Comic Book Nerd. Tight faded black dockers tucked into calf-high Doc Martens (people still wear these?), black fedora and an XL comic book shirts with a hundred comic buttons on his bag. Some superhero, some goth stuff. I don't want that association. But being a nice guy, I felt I should at least try and be polite to him. Once.

So he wears a faded black Superman shirt to work one day and I decided to strike up a simple conversation the next time he was copying some work stuff outside my door (see, I had the safety of being in my office across from it and not be SEEN talking to him.) Here's how it went.

Me: So what do you think of the new Superman trailer?
Him: Huh? I haven't seen it.
(me in my head: um, really? It's posted everywhere, ok.)
Me: It looks pretty damn good. Kevin Spacey is awesome in it.
Him: (pause) Who does he play in it?
(Me, in head: Huh? This movie has been in production for 2 years, how does he not know this?)
Me: (pause) Lex Luthor.
Him: (long pause) I guess I could see how that would work. I'll look it up.
Me: (nothing. ever again.)

Plus he had this creepy squeaky voice that weirded me out right away. Needless to say, I don't talk to HIM anymore. And THAT is the difference between geeks and nerds that I CLING to. I don't want to be THAT guy. EVER. EVER. EVER. If you see me like that, it means I've died inside and you might as well finish the job. Just make sure you light me on fire so all that crap I'm wearing burns up, too.

Happy Birthday Captain Awesome!

Captain 1
Originally uploaded by macslost.

OK, the posts are a week late, but he'll never know. Oh, you can try and rat me out, but he'll never believe you over me. Anyway, I dropped him off at daycare (Bow Wow Bungalow in Burbank, they're awesome) for his birthday and they had cake and birthday hats. Which had the Incredible Hulk on them. Which was sweet.

My personal favorite was this photo where he has this look on his face that you get when some retard shows up at a party uninvited and starts helping themselves to your party favors that you bought specifically for YOUR friends to enjoy. Wha? My dog have an attitude? Never.

Captain 2
Originally uploaded by macslost.

SPEAKING of books...

books
Originally uploaded by macslost.

I am spending my summer doing NOTHING. Well, reading. Maybe catching up on DVDs and a few summer TV shows. Blade starts in June. Yeah, I'm watching it, what of it? Anyway, books. Here's the stack I piled up. It doesn't include a few, uh, sequels? Are books in a series called sequels? I don't read enough to know. I'm missing a few sequels in there. If I like the first one. So I have stuff from Stephen King's Dark Tower finale to Palahniuk and Ellis' new ones to classics like Geek Love and the Chronicles of Narnia. I deliberately got a WIDE spread of books of all genres and difficulty levels so I would always have something I was in the mood to read. Which is how I roll. THAT is why I have such a HUGE DVD collection. I always have what I want at that exact time. Oh, and I'm an obsessive compulsive collector.

Here's a peek at where I'll be reading...

patio
Originally uploaded by macslost.

LOST Chicken & Eggs

Rod Watros
Originally uploaded by macslost.

SPOILER ALERT!

What came first? Watros and Rodriguez being popped simultaneously on the show for BEING drunks or did they get drunk AFTER they were popped on the show? Considering they both got nailed by the cops in early December, we must assume they hadn't filmed this far ahead and thus were punished for their bad publicity. And poor Watros took it when she didn't even deserve it. I actually liked her. It's Ana-Lucifer I couldn't stand. Ugh. In real life or fake.

Anyways, Lost has dropped SEVERAL notches on my 'must' list for the season. Last September it was #1. Now it's behind Veronica Mars, Battlestar Galactica, The Shield, Scubs, The Office, CSI.... Hell, even Prison Break and 24 have been good. Actually this season of 24 was AMAZING. Insane, really. Every episode has been great. And the guest stars this season have been C-level SPECTACULAR. Jean Smart, Sean Astin, Julian Sands, Ray Wise, Peter 'Robocop' Weller, and moooore. Anyway, I digress. TV season is almost over and I'll have the TiVo's cleared in a few weeks. What then? Books. Outside. And not even COMIC books. (i heard you snicker, but i swear, there's no pictures in them) Good times...good times...

Tiki-riffic!

tiki front
Originally uploaded by macslost.

Behold the glory! The tiki bar was broken in last weekend and nothing broke/fell off/caught fire! And that's a win x10 in my book. The sand even stayed inside! For the most part, anyway. Now that it's done, what next you ask? NOTHING! For now. I finished JUST in time. It's too damn hot to work outside now. But sitting in my new adirondack chair, sipping margaritas and reading? Yes. Indeed. The invitation to hang out is always open! Just warn me first so I can deactivate the spiked spring trap I built when I finished the rolling bar. (I got a little overzealous)

tiki corner
Originally uploaded by macslost.

tiki inside
Originally uploaded by macslost.

ROBOTS: Sweet like metal candy

Having TiVo means never having to say you're sorry...for throwing the remote at the TV when Veronica Mars cuts to a commercial break. It's a fact: most commercials suck. But not this one. No. Not this one.

Rock Out, Balls Out

Rock Out, Balls Out
Originally uploaded by macslost.

Thank You, Stephen Colbert

(watch the 3-part video and have your mind BLOWN.)