Guns, guns, guns!

Guns, guns, guns!
Originally uploaded by macslost.

It's a FACE. Made of BULLETS. It's a BULLETFACE. How AWESOME is THAT?!?!!? And the trailer kicks ASS as well! Rock on, Mr. Cage, rock on.

Water + Outlet = bad news!

Water + Outlet = bad news!
Originally uploaded by macslost.

I don't think I need to add anything here. Um, does anyone know an electrician? And a good doctor? Ouch. (note: on the positive side, we have completed the scrubbing of the nicotine off the walls, so no more water will even be NEAR an outlet.)

mAc's LOST (Summer fun)

So I am going to our big LOST Season 1 DVD Launch party in HAWAII in 2 weeks with the ENTIRE cast, which kicks ass. In the meantime, enjoy this suh-WEET trailer. And by Dave LaChapelle no less.

Muppet Terrorism!

Muppet Terrorism!
Originally uploaded by macslost.

I totally forgot about Crazy Harry. I'll bet the Republicans will try to ban The Muppet Show now. Well, at least they weren't having Muppet SEX. God forbid. The children would be ruined.

Grand Theft GTA: SA

Grand Theft GTA: SA
Originally uploaded by macslost.

What?! SEX in a videogame? UNACCEPTABLE. Can't have my children seeing that. This will interfere with the rampant cop-killing and ultra-violence. Anyone got a phone number for a Senator? (note to self: sex bad, violence good.) I mean really, if you haven't played this game (or either of it's earlier incarnations) you can have sex with hookers, watch the car shake, are REWARDED for this by gaining health, and then you can get out of the car and beat the hooker to death and get your money back. Oh, but simulated sex is just going TOO FAR. We live in a giant sitcom.

Scotty's turn to beam up.

Scotty's turn to beam up.
Originally uploaded by macslost.

May all of your molecules realign appropriately, my friend.

And now a word from Penn...

Obscene, Disgusting, Vulgar and Vile
Originally uploaded by macslost.

The Aristocrats: Everyone Who Sees this Movie, Will Love It

By filmmaker, Penn Jillette

That’s my goal. I want everyone who sees our movie, “The Aristocrats” to enjoy it. I really do. So far we’ve done a really good job. We’ve had only a few people walk out, and most everyone else seemed to have a great time. Certainly a higher percentage of people who’ve seen our movie liked it than the percentage of people who liked “Lord of the Rings.” One reason is that “Lord of the Rings” sucks and our movie is good. But more importantly, everyone is supposed to like “Lord of the Rings.” They made it for everyone, because everyone has all the money. We didn’t make “The Aristocrats” for everyone; we made it for our friends.

You can tell right away our flick ain’t for everyone. Our movie uses that four letter word that begins with “C.” Our movie uses that word a lot. A way lot. You know the word; it’s the word you say and everyone is automatically sexually harassed. A hostile work environment in one word. It’s the word that adults call “The C word” in front of other adults. Adults who say every other dirty word as every part of speech won’t say that goddamn C word. When Aristocrats say the C word in the movie, it’s worse than just using the C word. We don’t use it in anger or as a mere ejaculation. We don’t even use it as synecdoche. The Aristocrats mean it as the real thing. We’re not just using dirty words; we’re using dirty images, and dirty ideas. And even worse, we’re doing it just for fun. Just for a laugh. The movie’s not for everyone.

“Don’t say shit in front of a C. H. I. L. D.” - Kinky Friedman

Think of the most disgusting images you can. Think of the worst scatological and non-consensual sex you can. Imagine children. Imagine young children. Imagine children that are related to each other. Children who are related to you. Imagine animals. Young endangered animals who are related to each other. Young endangered animals who are related to you. Nope, you’re not even close. The movie has over 100 professionals. They are much more disgusting than you can ever be, that’s because they’re professionals.

The movie is a lot more than dirty words and disgusting images. The taboo language is not even the main thrust; the main thrust is a movie with no nudity, no violence, and no conflict. It’s a movie about laughing with your friends. It’s very political because it’s not political at all. The Aristocrats just take for granted they can say anything they want. Fighting for freedom is a losing battle. Taking liberty is what real Americans do. It’s a love story, it’s political, it’s patriotic, it’s funny, funny, funny, funny, funny, funny. But, you shouldn’t see it if you’ve ever been offended by any word ever ever.

If you’re going to be offended don’t bother coming. It was a cheap movie to make. We don’t need everyone’s money. We have other jobs. Our asses aren’t on the line. If you think you’re going to like this movie, please, you’re invited. If you’re in Vegas and you meet me, I’ll show it to you for free over my house. My wife and I will serve popcorn. But, if you you’ve EVER been offended by any joke, read a book, I suggest “Moby Dick.”

Michael Moore and Mel Gibson are the same person, except for a few sit-ups. Moore thought his cheesy political blooper reel was going to tell people how to vote. Mel thought that his little gay SM movie about his imaginary friend was going to help him get to heaven. George W. Bush is president and there’s still no god. You failed boys. Someone should have told Mike that the bad guys are smarter than him and someone should have told Mel that the Three Stooges were Jewish.

Both those filthy rich losers wanted EVERYONE to see their movies. Moore wanted the Republicans to be shocked by how wrong they were and see the light shining out of his fat ass. Mel went for straight off the rack proselytizing. They both just got even richer.

I’m already richer than I should be. I don’t want to shock or offend anyone who doesn’t enjoy being shocked and offended. I want to make people laugh and love life and love watching all my friends making each other laugh.

So, IF YOU HAVE EVER EVER EVER BEEN OFFENDED BY ANY JOKE – DO NOT SEE THE ARISTOCRATS! If you think you might be offended by our movie, why don’t you go see “Lord of the Rings?” (in other words: go to hell.)

And then -- everyone who sees our movie will love it.

"Back to the Battlefront!!!"

Back to the Battlefront!!!
Originally uploaded by macslost.

Best show on TV returns this Friday. Death to the robot bastards! (no offense ll robot) Of course, if we're developing laser blaster technology NOW, why is it they have projectile guns in the future? Hmm. The continuity in my Sci-Fi is turning into a loose Cocoa Pebble in my Froot Loops. Feh, like that stopped me. Battle on!!!

WAR 4 Charlie

WAR 4 Charlie
Originally uploaded by macslost.

Not sure Charlie even likes war, but that's not the point. The big 3 this month have been 'War of The Worlds', 'Fantastic Four' and 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.' Now, I haven't seen Charlie yet, but it has trained squirrels, so it's already better than the first 2.

WAR OF THE WORLDS: In a nutshell: 'Signs' meets 'Independence Day'. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. BIG! ACTION! slow. scary. BIG! ACTION! slow. scary. Rinse. Repeat. While the visuals were great and the suspense was genuine, the cut between the action and the suspense kept getting in the way. And the end BLEW. I mean really. It's nice a MASSIVE WORLD-WIDE ATTACK FROM SPACE can be wrapped up neatly in 3 minutes. Whatever.

FANTASTIC FOUR: In a nutshell: About as good as Daredevil and The Punisher. So if you found those amusing, then this one will entertain you as well. Reed Richards wasn't nearly geeky-preoccupied enough, Doom was weak and nowhere near mego-maniacal enough. The Thing was pretty good, but the effects got lazy as it cut between trying to make the suit seem like rock and just looking like rubber. Sloppy. Sue Storm? As bland and uninteresting as the comic. Well, except for the fact that she's Jessica Alba. I can't WAIT for her swimsuit movie. Johnny Storm = Awesome. Chris Evans was on fire!! (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I rule!) Truly entertaining all the way through. You've seen him in the trailer.

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: In a nutshell: Squirrels! With nuts! Can't wait. To be concluded...

ZZZZZZAP! KA-ZZZZOOOOWW!!!!

ZZZZZZAP! KA-ZZZZOOOOWW!!!!
Originally uploaded by macslost.

When I was little, all I ever wanted was a real laser gun. Like Han Solo's. Who CARES if a blaster is more random than a lightsaber. Dorks, that's who. Anyone worth a damn always goes for the blaster. Shoot first, ask questions later. Forget the questions, just zap a smoldering hole through the guy. Anyway, it looks like this dream is coming closer to reality! Quicker than my damn jetpack anyway.

The New House...of doom?

The New House...of doom?
Originally uploaded by macslost.

The keys are arriving today. All jingly-like. Something to play with while squirming joyfully during 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' tonight. But I digress! The new place is a cosmetic fixer. And someone has passed away inside. What will happen? Will we comedically fall through holes in the floor? Will I become a possessed murderer? (if so, best watch your back. you know who you are.) Or will it be an awesome Utopia inside and out once we use up all the elbow grease? Time will tell, though I am leaning toward the Utopian ending personally.