mAcslost

The Importance of Star Wars

2011-02-17T14:49:00.001-08:00

This is just one of many conversations I look forward to having with my kid.

This is my future

2011-02-03T11:09:00.001-08:00

And I can't WAIT.

Tunage: Derezzed

2011-02-02T20:48:00.000-08:00

OK, that's probably not the best (or even accurate) description of what's going on in my house right now, but it feels that way. In an effort to make room for The Dude, we started wandering around the house filling bags with clothes and linens and things and the attention has turned to something that has been ignored for far too long.

CDs.

I can't remember the last time I bought a CD, much less actually took one out of the CD racks. But as a student of the 90's, and having spent a good portion of that time working in the Seattle music industry, my CD collection is ridiculously large. And covered with dust, taking up valuable space. And so the mass exodus of music begins. I had no idea how to start, initially staring at all of those little plastic spines, so instead, I opened up my iTunes and just started pulling out CDs that I had already imported. 200 discs have been pulled so far, with 2 more computers to loot for music as I start compiling everything onto a hard drive.

Waves of nostalgia flowed over me as I hesitantly placed 20-year old CDs into a box. CDs with cases scratched to hell and I imagine the discs are even worse. Nine Inch Nails, Nirvana, Billy Idol, Metallica, Duran Duran, Guns n Roses. (man, music sucks these days)

This is going to take way longer than the time between now and when the Dude arrives but it still feels pretty good. Once I have removed a rack from the house (there are 5), I'll probably switch over to DVDs and rip the band-aid off pulling out movies I will most likely not watch again, and if I do want to, there's the glorious Netflix streaming, which has become a staple in our house anyway and slowly making these old DVDs redundant.

Saying good bye to old friends is never easy, but a worthy funeral is deserved.

(to be fair, they will all go to charity, I don't ACTUALLY plan on burning them and drowning them in the sea)

Baby D.O.O.M.

2011-01-11T18:55:00.001-08:00

Since I imagine no one has come through here in the past year, I might as well mention the fact that I am now what you would call an "expectant father." And I EXPECT my kid to be badass, lest he be traded in for more comics and a bigger TV.

"Why such high expectations?", you ask? Well, for one, I'm awesome and two, my wife's awesome. And last I checked, two positives don't make a negative, they make a double rainbow, so we should be good to go.

Read more »

Hungry! Hungry Mungry!

2011-01-10T22:10:00.000-08:00

So, back in 1991 (I'm pretty sure, but my memory of said years is spotty at best) one of our class projects was to create a media project of a poem. It could be a picture book or whatever, but because I was an overachiever when it came to anything non-study related, we decided to go big.

Now, when I say "overachiever", some of you who know me will say, "OK, whatever, you're a liar with a big mouth". Which is true. My mouth is rather large and, as a result, I can be quite loud. And awesome. But that is neither here nor there. Well, actually, it is here, because our project was awesome. Digressions aside, my "projects" (mostly in English classes) tended to be giant illustrated children's books, giant board games, ridiculous videos and whatever else we could do to distract the teacher with style over substance. The argument being: if you went big and failed, you at least achieved the "A for Effort." (note: this trick did not work with the Spanish children's book I illustrated. The dialogue was too "simplistic" to get more than a B-. But it wasn't my grade, so I didn't care. I took German.).

Anyway.
Read more »

Testes. Testes. One, two...three?

2011-01-07T10:57:00.000-08:00

Is this thing on? Wow. It's been a while. October of 2009. More than a whole year spent on bite-size blurbs in 140 characters or less. To be fair, it's not like I had the time to write any more than that. And any time I did have for writing went into proposals for work. Which, while ultimately rewarding in some sense or the other, is not as much fun to do as being snarky about nerdy things.

Read more »

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-15T10:04:00.001-07:00

JACK CHOP ! - watch more funny videos

Who doesn't like to count?

2009-10-15T09:50:00.001-07:00

James Camerons Avetar

2009-08-19T08:04:00.000-07:00

Dood, it luks SO sweet.

Nerd Rage!

2009-08-18T06:52:00.000-07:00

So Gallery 1988 in Hollywood had an awesome show run recently that featured various prints and paintings of cult films called Crazy 4 Cult. We went the day after it opened and they were already sold out of a ton of things but we managed to score a handful of super-sweet artwork.

One of the pieces I picked up was Tim Doyle's fantastic print, collecting various objects from pop culture films. Considering I own about half of these, I pretty much had to have it.

On to the rage. When the exhibit opened, they ran a contest for prints where you could guess all the props in the poster and what films/TV shows they were from. I got about 30 out of 40 right off the bat and then had to do some digging around and photo comparisons to get the rest. When I got to 37, I was lucky enough to have Alf & Willie (hahahaha! I just noticed that) help me out with the 2 from Dune. I hadn't seen that in at least 20 years and they were driving me crazy. The last one (i) was the holdout. I pasted my answers below, along with the 'real' answers...

Read more »

G.I. JOE: The Sequel

2009-08-10T22:32:00.001-07:00

OK! So the movie raked in about 100 mill world-wide this weekend which means...sequel!

Several years ago I did my G.I. Joe draft of everyone I wanted to be in the GI Joe movie. It was a little over the top, but whatever. Since then, they cast many people in the movie, some of which I don't agree with at all, and others which were perfectly serviceable. In fact...

SNAKE EYES: I got one right! He was the only one from my initial wish list that actually made the cut to the movie! So that was pretty cool.

So now that the movie is raking in the cash, it's time to head back to the drawing board! Who will they add to the sequel?

I still hold to all of my choices from last time. I think they hold up strong!

CORE JOES:

Read more »

"Love Sucks"

2009-08-10T22:19:00.000-07:00

Want to know what else sucks? High school. And vampires with kiddie fetishes.

Here's what I would like to know. Why the EFF would 2 brother vampires who look 30 (because they ARE 30) hang out in a high school?!

Look, I get it. Teen girls are probably a tasty snack. Makes sense. What DOESN'T make sense is why a vampire, most likely high up in the double (if not triple) digits age-wise would want to actually TALK to one. I'm only 35 and I have a real hard time dealing with teenagers as it is. Then again these moody-type vampires are all about self-flagellation in various forms, so maybe they punish themselves by hanging out in high school, I don't know.

It just seems to be a fate much, much worse than just going to hell.

The Ballad of G.I. Joe

2009-08-10T22:11:00.000-07:00

The Ballad of G.I. Joe from Olivia Wilde

BRILLIANT.

And what's awesome, is they even have some of the people I wanted to be cast in G.I. Joe in the first place, including Zach Galifianakis as Snow Job!

Can you spot them all?

Olivia Wilde, Zach Galifianakis, Alexis Bledel, Billy Crudup, Julianne Moore, Chuck Liddell, Sgt Slaughter, Tony Hale, Laz Alonso, Joey Kern, Henry Rollins, Alan Tudyk, Vinnie Jones, and Josh Simpson

PETA's Unhappy Meals

2009-08-07T14:50:00.001-07:00

080709-unhappy.jpg, originally uploaded by macslost.

AWESOME.

R.I.P. John Hughes

2009-08-07T13:16:00.000-07:00

These days, anything you want to know about your favorite directors you can just grab online. Judd Apatow, Zack Snyder, whoever you want to read about, they are all over the place.

John Hughes disappeared from the public eye long before the current state of media, and maybe because of that, I can only think kindly of him and all the fantastic movies he directed when I was a kid. Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Weird Science, Planes Trains and Automobiles. And beyond directing, he wrote tons of other family-related films from the Vacation movies to Uncle Buck, The Great Outdoors and Home Alone. Suspiciously, these were also the last times Chevy Chase, John Candy and Dan Aykroyd were actually funny (though Aykroyd has had some moments since then).

Anyway, while we haven't seen anything amazing from him in a while, I still feel a sense of loss similar to that when Jim Henson passed away. The man created great things and will never be forgotten. I won't lie, I've welled up a bit.

Fun montage:

7 Days of G.I. Joe: Day 7.1

2009-08-07T10:30:00.001-07:00

Epic Fail! The last 2 days were really bad for me, so I didn't get to this. SO! We'll do 3 posts today.

There are 2 awesome action figure movies on Facebook using the toys. Enjoy!

The Invasion of COBRA Island - Part 1

The Invasion of COBRA Island - Part 2

Woo-Hoo!

7 Days of G.I. Joe: Day 4

2009-08-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

For today! I give you commercials.

Sgt. Slaughter is woefully absent from the movie. But look for a Refrigerator Perry cameo! (I kid, I kid)

Cover Girl is actually in the movie, as is Gung Ho, but I'm not saying any more about that.

The quality of the following commercial is shockingly bad, but I love the rock songs they wrote for all of these. Just classic.

And for your horror:

Ack! Since when did COBRA get into the construction business?

7 Days of G.I. Joe: Day 3

2009-08-03T23:09:00.000-07:00

Sorry! Today was slammed.

Today's treat are the Fensler Film PSAs from the G.I. Joe cartoon.

In the movie, we do get a "knowing is half the battle", but alas, no PSA. I stayed through the credits to make sure.

I considered saving Part 2 for Day 4, but then thought that might be cheating. So here's part 2!

Headed back to the gym

2009-08-02T09:43:00.000-07:00

I said GYM, not Jim. (oh, hey, some free advertising for my friends at IGN).

Anyway, as you know, for the last 2 years I've been pretty much consumed by work at Click. I spend on average 60 hours a week crouched over my laptop, firing off e-mails as quickly as possible. The result of which is super-nimble fingers, and an ever-expanding gut.

So I decided to get a trainer. 2-3 days a week, but with the accountability I at least HAVE to go. I'm only a week in, but it's definitely been good and I'm starting to feel a lot better as well.

I think I've lost 3 pounds, too.

7 Days of G.I. Joe: Day 2

2009-08-02T08:22:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest complaints people had from the trailers for this movie is that people aren't wearing their costumes from the cartoon/action figures and instead are wearing these HALO knock-offs.

Note: Wolverine did not wear his yellow spandex either, so calm down. Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow are pretty close, though. As is Baroness.

All in all, the accelerator suit action sequence is pretty long and crazy. You've seen a chunk of it in the trailers, but it's only about 1/4 of the entire scene. I'm telling you, this movie ramps up each action sequence by leaps and bounds. Plus, there's the exploding heads, which are pretty sweet.

Hey, Mr. DJ

2009-08-02T08:18:00.000-07:00

I thought this was a joke at first, but lo & behold it is NOT.

I don't know how I feel about this. I know everyone's panties are soaking over Beatles Rock Band, but this might be the coolest or lamest thing I've ever seen.

It's not coming out for a while, and I'll definitely wait for reviews, but dang. Who'd a thought?

Don't just stare at it!

2009-08-02T08:16:00.001-07:00

Miles Fisher - This Must Be The Place (Cover) from Miles Fisher on Vimeo.

7 Days of G.I. Joe: Day 1

2009-08-01T08:16:00.001-07:00

I got to see the GI Joe movie this week. After all the bad buzz ever since the trailer was shown, I'll admit my expectations were looooow. And a few months ago I had to read the 6-page scriptment of the movie and it spoiled the whole thing from beginning to end. They mess with a lot of relationship/backstory of some of the main characters (Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow is mostly intact, though), which is the most annoying thing about the movie. But to be honest, they did the exact same thing with the X-Men movies, so I'm not THAT bent out of shape.

All that aside, I actually enjoyed the movie. A lot. It's big, loud, incredibly ridiculous, basically it was a live action cartoon. Walking out, you feel like you are 10 years old again and all you want to do is go outside and set up a massive battlefield. In fact, the the only real cringe-inducing moments in the movie (after you've let go and are enjoying the cartooniness) are the awkward 'love' scenes. Eww! Girls are gross! This movie may very well have been written after watching a battle unfold in Steven Sommers backyard. You never know.

Surprisingly, a LOT of heads are blown up in the movie. I can distinctly remember about a half dozen tops being popped off.

Anyway, I'l get into minor specifics of the movie throughout the week (w/out spoiling) and hopefully maintain your own low/cartoon expectations so you can enjoy the movie in it's fullest.

And on that note, today I present to you the Top 5 WORST GI Joe vehicles/accessories that make no sense.

And yes, the Yeti Net is one of them.

Enjoy.

Happy belated postday

2009-08-01T07:56:00.000-07:00

This blog has been woefully underused for the past 3 months. To be fair, I've been spending a little too much time on work, as well as Facebook and Twitter, but those posts are fairly short and service the purpose of bits and blurbs. Though, again, if I'm being honest, my writing skills tend to lend themselves to the bit and the blurb. I'm much more of a vocal rambler than a written rambler.

ANYWAY.

There are a ton of things and photos and the like that I have been up to in the past few months so I am going to lay them all out and try to get back to the blog-a-day (or at least 4-5/week) from the days of old.

Time to dust off the old Flickr account, get some photos uploaded and get rolling! Though I'll try and not post them all right now and then forget for the rest of the week.

Cuz that would be boring.

Slap Chop!

2009-07-14T07:50:00.001-07:00

Embed Code test blog

2009-07-14T07:05:00.001-07:00

2010 is looking good already!

2009-07-04T14:42:00.001-07:00

2010 is looking good already!, originally uploaded by macslost.

R.I.P. in Bulk

2009-06-27T15:02:00.001-07:00

I hold that celebrities do die in threes, usually no more than 3 weeks of each other.

This June they seem to be going for bulk.

After David Carradine, Ed McMahon and Farrah Fawcett went, Michael Jackson had to go and die, setting off another set.

News today says Walter Cronkite is on his death bed. Who'll be 6?

Stephen King?

The greatest thing I've seen today.

2009-06-09T09:16:00.000-07:00

The Hunt For Gollum

2009-05-29T08:46:00.001-07:00

This is seriously impressive.

Made for only $5,000! Crazy good for that cheap. Seriously. This takes place between The Hobbit and LOTR trilogy.

TRANSFORMINATORS

2009-05-26T09:45:00.001-07:00

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T08:38:00.001-07:00

A word to the wise: Recycle!

2009-04-10T21:52:00.001-07:00

It's April, 2009.

2009-04-07T08:26:00.001-07:00

MID. APRIL.

That means the psychotic summer movie season is about to begin. Wolverine in 3 weeks. Click's two-year anniversary party. Star Trek the week after and the onslaught continues from there. (Comicon and Tiki Theater!)

It's no joke. The older you get, the faster time moves. Probably just because you get busier and busier, but all the same, it's MID APRIL. The past few months of out-of-town guests and trips to Baja and New York just zipped by like a blur.

I'm trying to be more 'actively' responsible as well, which is odd for me, as I'm more of an all-or-nothing kind of person. I'm trying to do more maintenance, like tidying things, doing yard work, buying less crap. I'm actually going to the gym this morning for the first time since maybe July? August? It's been THAT busy (and also, I hate the gym). And I'm still busy, but I gotta make room. Next on the to-do list is making more friend-time. I can't just hire them all so I see them more often. Mostly because that would be a weird company. In both skill assortment and personality.

I have the next 2 weeks to get my affairs in order before we skip off to Hawaii for an actual vacation-vacation. Yes, yes, the laptop goes with. I can blame that on an OCD need to keep my inbox clear or the fact that as a business owner, I'm technically responsible for everything, so I never truly get to disappear. That said, I challenge you to show me another team of 11 people that bust as much ass as mine. I sleep like a baby. But I'm still taking the laptop.

There are lots and many big plans in the works for 2009 for the McLeans. But now that it's April, I think I need to start hustling...

The Greatest Thing Ever

2009-04-07T08:22:00.002-07:00

I feel comfortable with that statement.

Steaming entrails sold separately.

R.I.P. Andy Hallett (1975-2009)

2009-04-07T08:22:00.001-07:00

s5_lorne.jpg, originally uploaded by macslost.

Bruce Lee vs. Iron Man

2009-03-27T21:41:00.001-07:00

AWESOME.

Hitler isn't happy with the Watchmen movie

2009-03-12T08:30:00.001-07:00

The best car comparison

2009-03-11T19:29:00.000-07:00

Thanks, baby!

Waaaaathcmeeeen!

2009-03-06T16:45:00.001-08:00

GIMME!

2009-02-26T16:37:00.001-08:00

\AUTOIMAGES\BBP03002lg.jpg, originally uploaded by macslost.

Yes, PLEASE!

AT-AT Boombox!

2009-02-24T17:56:00.001-08:00

3a1.jpg, originally uploaded by macslost.

Dopitude. For reals. Thanks to Jeff for finding THIS!

Wha?quin Phoenix on Letterman

2009-02-12T14:16:00.001-08:00

True Porn Clerk Stories

2009-02-10T09:33:00.000-08:00

An oldie but a goodie.

This is from 2002, it's from an old journal that a girl wrote while working at a video store that had a porn basement and the various shenanigans and goings-on with the odd clientelle and employees. It's a great read!

I spared you any imagery to go with this.

Just as good as Transformers!

2009-02-09T20:37:00.001-08:00

Damn vigilantes!

2009-02-06T08:09:00.001-08:00

25 Tedious Facts

2009-02-02T12:02:00.001-08:00

This was surprisingly more difficult than I thought it would be.

The year Twenty...

2009-01-30T00:20:00.001-08:00

As we approach 2010, you automatically read it as "Two Thousand Ten" (or 'and' ten).

At what point do we get to say "Twenty" instead of 2000?

I assume that 2020 makes the most sense, which is fine, I guess, but that's 11 years away. And doesn't the world end in 2012?

Ah well. Maybe I'll enjoy Twenty Aught Nine anyway.

Brilliant

2009-01-30T00:11:00.001-08:00

This really is brilliant. I have no idea if this is new or old, but it's fantastic.

The reaper has come

2009-01-30T00:07:00.000-08:00

February 17.

No reprieve. No delay. Analog TV dies this day.

Failblog.org

2009-01-30T00:04:00.000-08:00

Prepare to lose hours and hours of your life. I've been meaning to share this for a long time. So many gems, so little time.

Alien Mighty Mugg

2009-01-30T00:00:00.000-08:00

There's a cute animated flick called Planet 51 coming out about an astronaut who lands on a xenophobic alien planet.

What's awesome? Check out the planet's dog! He has acid pee and a tongue with a tongue inside it?! I NEED THIS TOY.

IN case you don't get the joke:

And more Tintin!

2009-01-29T23:56:00.000-08:00

This movie just got so wicked awesome.

First, Spielberg & Peter Jackson together. And Andy Serkis as Captain Haddock.

Awesome. Done.

Oh, there's MORE?

Simon Pegg & Nick Frost as Thompson & Thomson? Edgar Wright is coming with them for some screenwriting? Jamie Bell is playing Tintin? Daniel Craig is Red Rackham? They are doing the Secret of the Unicorn/Red Rackham story?!

RAWK. ON. Dude, there's a SHARK SUBMARINE in it. This will be the gem of 2010.

Oy! Smeghead!

2009-01-29T23:54:00.000-08:00

Check it! An all-new special this Easter! w00t! This is gonna be the best year EVER.

It's cooooming

2009-01-29T23:52:00.000-08:00

No, I don't care and I won't apologize. This is #1 on my list of things to see this year, followed immediately by Wolverine.

Apparently a trailer is set to run during the Super Bowl. It will probably be awful, but again, don't care!

Bring it!

In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison...

2009-01-29T23:32:00.000-08:00

Time to catch up! Bunch of random crap, including the breath of life into the A-Team movie, which was sitting on John Singleton's plate. This, along with G.I. Joe, pretty much defined my childhood, so I don't care what it takes, put it on the big screen!

Joe Carnahan (Narc, Smoking Aces) is taking over, so it could at least be riduculously ridiculous. As it should be. As it should be.

Ricardo MontalbAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! R.I.P.

2009-01-14T13:55:00.001-08:00

ricardomontalban9.jpg, originally uploaded by macslost.

Khan is dead. Long Live the Khan!

Bronson. The Man. The Myth.

2009-01-13T07:48:00.000-08:00

This looks BRILLIANT.

Can't wait!

Problem Solving 101

2009-01-09T10:22:00.000-08:00

Considering this is a very conservative website, it isn't a joke, but yet is open to so many.

If this is a prototype, sign me up for the finished one!

2009-01-08T10:07:00.000-08:00

This looks RAD. It's Hulk meets Crackdown meets Mercenaries meets Awesome.

Yet another X-Men spinoff

2009-01-07T09:18:00.001-08:00

Prequel? Is this where Nightcrawler came from?

"Mystique is Pregnant" featuring Jerry O'Connell and Rebecca Romijn by Jerry Minor

The Razzies

2009-01-07T08:55:00.000-08:00

This is proof that in L.A., you can literally do whatever you want and have people notice at some point or another. I just got notice to renew my 'membership' this year and it reminded me that I don't think I ever posted about my experience back in 2007...

I got all excited when I registered and went two years ago. I had been reading and enjoying the Razzies (Hollywood's 'worst' awards) for YEARS before moving to L.A. I had always wanted to go, thinking it would be a grand time had by all.

So we went. And hot damn did it SUCK. They made people wait forever in line and when we got in? Popcorn. Nothing else. No cash bar, nothing. Just a crappy theater. OK, so at least there's a screen, right? If by 'screen', you mean big-screen TV, then yes.

Was it at least funny?

God, NO. Imagine a bunch of 40-something balding nerds doing skits in their moms basement. That's what it was. And what really sucked is that the nearest bar was 2 blocks away, so being drunk for it wasn't even an option. And I'll tell you, tickets weren't cheap. Which means all of the money went into this theater rental. And it was half-full. And judging from the movies that get nominated and win, these people don't even SEE everything, so when Gigli won for worst film one year, clearly no one saw any of Uwe Boll's high-profile shit-fests that year. Basically the winners of these are just talk-backers that don't watch everything, they just hate on things they think they shouldn't like and those win.

I guarantee you that our Oscar parties are a billion times better in both production and entertainment, hands down. I am pretty sure that the people who run the Razzies actually work in things like shoe-sales and restaurant service, as they have no idea how to actually host an event.

So, so bad.

2009-01-06T15:47:00.001-08:00

B. R. I. L. L. I. A. N. T.

Who better to cast as the bungling Thompson twins in the upcoming Tintin flick?

Shoot the Baddies

2009-01-06T15:26:00.001-08:00

Shoot the Baddies - 05 / 01 / 09, originally uploaded by Olly Moss.

I really, really need full-size sheets of these.

Macworld News

2009-01-06T12:21:00.001-08:00

How much longer til this one comes out? Impressive.

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

Best. Review Quote. Ever.

2009-01-06T11:49:00.000-08:00

"To call THE SPIRIT cardboard is an insult to useful packing material."

Genius.

Wonder Woman

2009-01-02T15:52:00.000-08:00

This is complete BS, but I wouldn't complain. I mean, if a 6'2" song & dance man can play a 5'3" mutant...

10 Best Kid Kills

2009-01-02T15:44:00.000-08:00

CHUD produced an awesome series of kid kills in movies last month, which included one of my favorite scenes from a movie ever, Maximum Overdrive's steamroller in the Little League field. That's in Day 3, along with Halloween III's mask death. Another classic.

Enjoy!

DAY 1
DAY 2
DAY 3
DAY 4
DAY 5

Joss Whedon's Dollhouse is coming soon...

2009-01-02T14:37:00.001-08:00

...to Friday nights.

But how long will it last? 4 episodes? 8? A full TWELVE?

We all know how much Fox loves their genre TV...

Fables coming to TV?

2009-01-02T14:29:00.000-08:00

Cool! ABC is looking to do an hour-long series based on Bill Willingham's 'Fables' comic series. I highly recommend reading it. It's fantastic, as is the Jack of Fables spin-off series.

Then again, we got screwed out of ever seeing the pilots for Global Frequency and Ultra, two other super-cool comics, so who knows?

The Periodic Table of Awesoments

2009-01-02T14:25:00.000-08:00

Nunchuks. Grenades. Dwarves. Robots. Mutants.

All elements of Awesome.

R-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-I-P, Eartha Kitt

2009-01-02T14:17:00.000-08:00

Shut the @&#* up, and by '@&#*', I mean BANG!

2009-01-02T14:09:00.000-08:00

I can't stand talking in movies. Whispers, fine, I'm guilty of shitty movie commentary myself, but keep it to a whisper. And if you bring your bastard kids into a movie NOT FOR KIDS because you can't find a babysitter, then kiss my ass.

This is the kind of urban vigilante I can get behind.

You wouldn't crap in a dead cop's helmet, would you?

2009-01-02T13:52:00.000-08:00

Or WOULD you?

It's all stealing.

Twilight: The Script

2009-01-02T13:46:00.000-08:00

This is pretty much dead-on how the script must have read.

I would get mad at all the teen girls (and women who should know better), but then I would have to hold that mirror up to myself when G.I. Joe comes out next summer and I love it unapologeticaly.

Anyway, enjoy reading!

Thundercats Ho For YouTube

2009-01-02T13:33:00.000-08:00

I'd pay to see this. Even if it was just re-edited material.

Meeeeeeerrry Christmas!!!

2008-12-25T12:21:00.000-08:00

Watchen. LEGO Watchmen. So awesome.

2008-12-18T07:46:00.000-08:00

Much thanks to Dre for sending this one over.

Lazy blogging

2008-12-15T12:43:00.000-08:00

Have I become too consumed with the 1-sentence blurb of Facebook to bother sharing random oddities here? Maybe. Work's been hectic as have tying up a bunch of loose ends on the personal front. Unwarranted speeding tickets, X-Mas lighting, new bedroom furniture, sharing bank accounts, traveling. All the stuff that get's postponed until it's (almost) too late or entirely forgotten.

Now, I must return to paperwork. In the near paperless world I have created for myself, my inbox has become the only "to-do" list I have. So paperwork is almost always forgotten.

(sigh)

Here we go...

Christopher Walken's 12 Days of Christmas

2008-12-15T12:38:00.000-08:00

As stolen from Cracked.com's Dale Dobson

Christopher Walken's Twelve Days of Christmas

The First Day
The partridge, the pear tree. I trust both have arrived safely on this First Day of Christmas. The partridge, unfortunately, required mounting for shipping. Taxidermy. I had to strangle the poor bird with my own two hands. Sometimes small cruelties must be tolerated for the greater holiday good—in this case, pears.

The Second Day
May the two beautiful turtle doves, enclosed, enliven your Second Day of Christmas. I have recorded their mournful songs on a compact disc, also enclosed, so you will understand why I found it necessary to smother them. These birds—these birds could drive you fucking crazy.

The Third Day
The three French hens have been prepared and dressed for oven or broiler, as you will. But the holiday fun does not stop there, my friend. I have removed the heads myself. With an axe. And I have decorated them, festively, as Mary, Joseph, and the Baby Jesus. Please, enjoy.

The Fourth Day
Fourth Day. Four calling birds. Listen. Are they calling? No. But the silence is, in its own way, a kind of Christmas.

The Fifth Day
I have taken special care to select the five golden rings, enclosed, because I know you treasure the better things in life. Four are from the world's finest jewelers. The fifth was my grandfather's. It is of special sentimental value to me, because I had to exhume his corpse to retrieve it. An unfortunate bureaucratic slipup, by an unfortunate fucking bureaucrat.

The Sixth Day
On this Sixth Day of Christmas, six geese sit a-laying on your front lawn. Eggs. I have always admired these elegant, graceful white waterfowl. It saddens me that the hatchlings will not emerge before I send workmen to burn the nests.

The Seventh Day
On the Seventh Day, God rested. But the seven swans presently a-swimming in your pool do not rest. They will not climb out of the water, nor will they stop moving. Why? Because the lead weights I have tied to their legs, the amphetamines in their feed, assure you of a full day of Christmas entertainment.

The Eighth Day
The small American dairy farm has, tragically, disappeared forever. Therefore, most of the eight maids a-milking appear courtesy of the good people at La Leche League, to whom I have made a generous donation in your name. For the remainder, I have called in a personal favor from the publisher of Lactating Mamas magazine. Distasteful. But it is, after all, Christmas.

The Ninth Day
Nine. Ladies, Dancing. Nine sterling examples, one might think, of the female form in motion. But who is that tall, strikingly handsome woman in green? It is I, Christopher Walken. In Peter Pan drag.

The Tenth Day
On this, the Tenth Day of our Christmas adventure, the ten lords a-leaping represent every walk of American street life. The gambler, the bookmaker, the dealer and the junkie. The ambitious gangster, the implacable crime lord, and the common thug. The crooked cop, the arsonist, and the con man. Their nimble hops, always one step ahead of Johnny Law, are what the season is all about. Merry Christmas.

The Eleventh Day
Eleventh Day. Eleven pipers. Piping. Not a-piping, mind you. But piping hot. Like soul-searing New Orleans jazz. Like a boiling glass of absinthe. Like me. Happy Holidays.

The Twelfth Day
On this Twelfth Day, I am filled with ennui. Twelve drummers, merely drumming; too easy, perhaps. Which is why I have, at great personal risk, imported drums made from human skin. They produce a sound like no other; the sound of a tiny bamboo cage in a fetid jungle prison, where hope dies anew with each cruel dawn. It's the sound of pain, frustration and disappointment. The sound of Christmas.

Fight of the Day

2008-12-09T22:38:00.000-08:00

A truly vicious battle, at that.

Don't BLINK! Keep your EYE on the prize! WATCH out! I didn't SEE that one coming!

Twilight: The Good Version

2008-12-06T10:59:00.000-08:00

I have been sorely lacking in posts for the last month as I have been doing way too many grown up things, but I am hoping to catch up soon.

In the meantime, enjoy this version of Twilight, because the actual version is a steaming turd.

Prop 8: The Musical!

2008-12-04T08:02:00.000-08:00

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

The Expendables?!?!

2008-11-07T07:02:00.000-08:00

Sly Stallone, Jason Statham and Jet Li in a South American mercenary flick directed by Sly?

@*#&$%#^@*#@^##* BRING IT. I will buy tix in ADVANCE, for that bastard.

VOTE Lando!

2008-11-04T11:13:00.001-08:00

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Courtesy of AICN.

Poli-Sci: Tuesday's Findings

2008-10-28T10:57:00.000-07:00

Hm.

These two scientific research studies explain a LOT about our current political problems.

Hard-core Conservatives are fearful (Ban it, bomb it):
Turns out, when shown a bunch of scary images, people with conservative values tend to clench up a lot more than liberals.

Hard-core Conservatives can't think on their feet (stay the course):
Apparently, knee-jerk reactions come pretty easy for them. Then again, this particular test might have been flawed since liberals would probably have flinched at the letter 'W'.

Schlange!

2008-10-26T14:08:00.000-07:00

A handful of random fun things

2008-10-24T08:27:00.001-07:00

I'm in a hurry, so here's some funny things I found:

Best Halloween yard decoration:

Can't wait for Halloween:

Can't wait for March 2009:

And if Marvel knows what's good for them, Captain America will be a WWII movie that ENDS with this! (image taken from alternate opening of the Incredible Hulk, now on DVD & Blu-ray)

See?! Captain America & shield, right there in the ice. So awesome.

Lil' Opie Cunningham w/ The Fonz & Andy!

2008-10-24T08:25:00.000-07:00

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

Blood & Guts: The Animated Series

2008-10-14T16:09:00.000-07:00

How RAD are THESE? Much thanks to Amanda for this little assortment of nuggetry.

All of these prints (as well as 3-D sculptures!) are available for sale at J Cauty & Son!

Vote for John McCain

2008-10-14T15:57:00.000-07:00

See more Hayden Panettiere videos at Funny or Die

Thanks, Chris! I've seen the light.

Keith & Jack & Wolf

2008-10-13T18:23:00.000-07:00

Because I really, really, really, don't like Sarah Palin:

Vote NO on Nic Cage

2008-10-10T08:30:00.001-07:00

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

All I want for Christmas...

2008-10-02T13:35:00.000-07:00

Is THIS....

150" of AWESOME.

In honor of tonight's debate...

2008-10-02T07:11:00.000-07:00

The press appearances:

The Facebook page.

The Disney adaptation:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

The Dinosaurs:

In summation: Listening to Sarah Palin explain her thoughts on anything in the government reads like my essay final in US Government in 12th grade, where I didn't pay all that much attention and was just regurgitating phrases and buzzwords I remembered hoping that it would trick my bastard teacher. Didn't work, though.

The Home Game:

(sigh)

Crap you never needed to know about me.

2008-09-26T13:37:00.000-07:00

I don't think I have ever done one of these before, oddly enough, but I don't feel like working right this second (even though I desperately need to). And thank you Megan for calling me out specifically.

1.How many songs are on your iPod?
5805. Sadly I haven't put anything new in there in about 6-8 months. Too busy!

2. What music would you want played at your funeral?
Mmmmm. The Jaws theme song. People should keep on their toes. I've always promised I wasn't going alone...

3.What magazines do you have subscriptions to?
NOT porn, if that's what you're asking. Um, I think I have Men's Health and Psychology Today.

4. What is your favorite scent?
Old comic books.

5. If you had a million dollars that you could only spend on yourself, what would you do with it?
Buy a 150" plasma TV. And a new house to go around it.

6. What is your theme song?
Um. Hm. Lit's "My own worst enemy"? "Everything to Everyone", Everclear? NWA's "100 Miles and Running? OK, maybe not that one. Maybe. Or maybe the main theme from The Rock. I know, none of them are cool, but cool songs don't really apply to reality. Mine anyway. Plus I SUCK at lyrics, so these questions are always hard.

7. Do you trust easily?
Usually 'yes' until you burn me and then it's a permanent 'no'. But I wouldn't tell you that.

8. Do you generally think before you act, or act before you think?
Overthink before I act. But I think fast, so it could look more impulsive than it really is. But I bend facts to fit my predetermined decision in some instances, so it doesn't really help that I am good at filling in gaps in logic. I've seen too many bad movies.

9.Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Where's my money? You know who you are. (and no, not you)

10. Do you have a good body-image?
Is this asking that I do, in fact, realize I have developed a lovely beer belly this summer since I sit in a chair 14 hours a day? The answer is yes.

11. Is being tagged fun?
If it was, would people run away in the first place?

12. How do you spend your social networking (Facebook, etc.) time?
Stalking people. Judging them silently. Making a list.

13. What have you been seriously addicted to lately?
Maker's Mark, on the rocks. Might explain that belly problem.

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Megan's got one of the best taste in pop-culture delights of anyone I know. And she's not a SNOB about it. Unless it sucks, and then she's got a wicked sense of humor.

15. What’s the last song that got stuck in your head?
Well, now I have the damn theme song from The Rock stuck in my head. Before that is was, um, plz hld...'Low' by FloRider ft T-Pain. Thank you Tom Cruise.

16.What’s your favorite item of clothing?
Shorts. Usually I laze around in my camo-lottes. Because they are comfy and cool. As in 'cold' not 'fashionably'. But I did buy some other colors recently.

17. Do you think Rice Crispies are yummy?
Compared to Fruity or Cocoa Pebbles? Hell no.

18. What would you do if you see saw $100 lying on the ground?
Pick it up. Then convert it to pennies and leave a long trail of them into an upside-down crate popped up with a stick. I'm gonna catch me a hobo.

19. What items could you not go without during the day?
Internet. And I could do without 3 of the following, but not all 4: Movie/TV/Comic/Video Game. As long as 1 is in there, I'm good.

20. What should you be doing right now?
Billing. Which I will now get back to.

BAD language, GOOD jokes.

2008-09-26T13:26:00.000-07:00

The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.

The Dark Bailout

2008-09-25T15:56:00.001-07:00

Great uses for hot dogs #417

2008-09-17T08:57:00.001-07:00

HAHAHAHA!

2008-09-16T09:49:00.001-07:00

I love Paul Rudd.